Marriage Hawaii

Is it selfish for me to want to get married in Hawaii? Will people go to our wedding if its on a Wednesday?

Me and my fiance were planning to get married in Hawaii but now feel like were being a little selfish because we cant afford to pay for our family to go, is it selfish? Also if we do get married where we live my fiance wants to keep the same date which lands on a wednesday, will people go to the wedding if its on a wednesday? Its a summer wedding but still, i just dont know what to do. HELP!

Public Comments

1. I couldn't afford it. I think a lot of people couldn't afford the time off of work or the trip. Is it selfish? Well, that really depends on your veiw of weddings. Do you think it's all about you or a family event? If it's all about you, then yes, you are being selfish.
2. My in laws had a ceremony in Hawaii, but had the reception back home. Its your wedding, so you get to choose how it will be. My wedding was very small. We had a private ceremony and didnt invite any family because we couldnt afford it and all that matters is that we were married. You can hire a videographer and show it at the reception.
3. You should celebrate the beginning of your lives together any way you want. I don't think it is selfish. About the Wednesday thing. It may restrict some people so your guest turnout may be a little lower. But I can assure you that those who really care about you and your fiance will show. And as a bonus, most places will charge less for a weekday wedding.
4. This is YOUR wedding get married where you want. If people really want to come they will find a way to get there. Your family is probably going to be pissed but they will get over it eventually. Enjoy yourself, this should hopefully the only time you will ever do this Good luck
5. Actually.. yes.. it sounds rather selfish of you. Despite what others may say, a wedding is NOT just about the bride and groom... it's about two families each welcoming a new relative! Lots of people have valid reasons for wanting to elope or not have relatives there, but if your family is not too dysfunctional, you should be married where your loved ones can be there to witness the ceremony. Why is your fiance so hung up on a Wednesday? Depending on the time of day and type of wedding, you really are likely to limit the number of people who can attend. Can't expect people to take a day off work AND buy a present :) But depending on the type of wedding, it could work. Perhaps an evening ceremony followed by just a champagne and cake reception? Don't want to run too late or have too much liquor.. again most people will be getting up early on Thursday to work :) Good luck on working things out! Remember, compromise is the key to a successful marriage :D
6. Destination weddings are just about the tackiest thing that can be done. I don't know why people get it in their heads that their wedding is so important that everyone will naturally shell out the obscene amounts of cash to go to a destination wedding. Have the wedding in a place where people can easily get there, and go to Hawaii for the honeymoon.
7. My husband and I are renewing our vows on the same date/month/year (Feb 23, 2008) in Maui. Originally that was when was going to get married, but married the 24th of Feb before he went to Iraq. I don't think it is selfish. My husband and I are trying our best to help pay and get the cheapest (but nice) way to go, but we can only do so much. I don't think it is fair for the bride and groom have to settle for a location because others don't want to take the time off or spend a little spending money on a vacation. Actually, I think it is selfish of the family to expect the bride and groom to settle for a location they rather not be, instead of somewhere else they want to be. Just because of their life. Cost: If stop getting soda's, cigarettes, beer, shopping for non-needed things and car pool, a person can save up to $500 a month easy if did all those things. If the wedding wouldn't be for another 3 months for example, that is $1500, which is more than enough to pay for the airfar and hotel. That is how my husband and I are saving. We spend little as can other than our truck payment and few other payments. If people give up their habits, or at least cut back (as mine is starbucks cuz I love coffee and chinese food), I can save $100 a month easy. If they can not make it, then they can't. But they need to at least try. It is best to give them in advance. Like my husband and I gave his family and mine a year and half advance......they waited til Jan to start complaing, even after they promised and said it was no problem. their complaints, they were afraid of water or didn't want to pay if we paying for someone (a minor) to go. (pretty much saying, if you pay for her, you have to pay for me if you want me to go b.s). So, if drama starts as did with us (reason why we also eloped early), pretty much rule out those who truly want to be there and those who will complain no matter where you have it as you can't be out to please everyone. This is your wedding day, not theirs. Weds might make it a little difficult, but not, depending on who it is and what wedding planner has booked. A lot of them want booked in advance, so, check with coordinator if you plan Hawaii. Sometimes they might feel it is easier if go there on a monday and guest return on a friday/sat flight. so only take off 5 days of work (weekday that is).
8. I have never heard a good word about anyone having a wedding far away. Almost everyone is put out having to spend so much money to get to an exotic spot. Usually some important family member is unable to attend and there is some resentment that they didn't come. If it is really important for you to have family there have the wedding at home and go to Hawaii for a fantastic honeymoon. The only way I'd ever consider something like that is if I was extremely weathly and could pay to have everyone fly and stay there. It's a lovely idea that will cause you a lot of grief and possible regret later. But that's just my opinion. On the flip side, do have the wedding the way you like it since you have to live with the memories. I had problems with my family as to who was to be invited. I caved and didn't invite a couple of people and I really regret it now. And the only person who thinks about it now is me. But really, stay home for the service. And why stick to the Wednesday? A weekend will be much better for everyone. Don't make things difficult for yourself.
9. I would do ceremony in Hawaii....video tape it and then have a reception a few weeks after you get home. At the start of the reception play the wedding video and it will be just like they are there. I would not wait to long after the wedding however to have the reception.
10. Why don't you just elope? Then you get what you want without the guilt of not being able to pay for a destination wedding. That is what I was going to do, only we're getting married at the Valley of Fire outside of Las Vegas. My immediate family decided to pay their own way because they didn't want to miss the wedding. Also, we're getting married on a Friday because it's my birthday. When we return, we're having a reception on a Saturday. That might work for you, too!
11. Any other time, I would say "it's your day, do what you want", but to be perfectly honest with you, if some one sent me a wedding invitation that said they'd be getting married in Hawaii, I'd probably throw it away and not give it another thought. Even if that person were my best friend or a close relative. Not very many people have the kind of money they can just throw into a plane ticket and a hotel, dear. And why have the wedding on a Wednesday? Once again, same situation as above. There's no way I'd ask for time off from my job to go to a wedding on a Wednesday. I'm sure the date may mean a lot to you and your soon-to-be husband, but you DO have to think about the guests too if you really want them to come.